The local news continues to not disappoint

Last night while catching up on some much needed 'veg' time — time spent laying on the couch watching gosh I almost forgot what it was called, television! yes, that's it — the local news had their top-of-the-hour update. I was sort of half paying attention when I heard the anchorwoman say, and this is verbatim, "the man belonging to the missing fingertip has been found." (whaaa?) A locator map pops up on the screen with a pointer box that reads, 'Fingertip Found Here.' I rushed to grab my camera that never works because it perpetually needs fresh batteries. Is this for real? Perhaps the Onion has bought out the network! She continues with, "The man, who lost his fingertip while operating a snow plow has come forward, does not wish to be identified. The fingertip was found along route 7." And that was it! Fifteen seconds of your latest missing fingertip news. Man, I couldn't have lived without it-